broken

It has taken me all week to finally sit down and write this post.  This week (starting Sunday) I have been on an emotional rollercoaster. It all started Sunday when it was supposed to be family  time for us to relax and somehow the day didn't go as I had planned out in my head so it threw us all off.  After Sunday we had to together and separate figure out what to differently.  In a marriage it takes two to change not just one person so starting Monday I had a car ride to myself and had lots of time to think and pray alone ( which is very rare)
I said to my husband on Monday that I felt broken...later in the week I looked up the definition of that word. broken - to not function properly, incomplette, disconnected, weak in strength and spirit. I felt all of these things but i had to somehow get unbroken...I cried out to the Lord several times this week because he is the only one who can complete me and where I feel weak he is strong. I realized this week that sometimes the struggle is real, and sometimes we feel so empty and broken ( yes even us christians) Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding and he will direct your path
I need to trust in the Lord to strengthen me and to help me feel connected..somedays I don't know how so i just cry out to him and ask for his help.
I struggle with feeling completely overwhelmed and then I get sad and have no joy..that's not good! This week it has been worse than it has been in awhile. It has taken effort together but we came to the conclusion together that we have to intentional about our time. Being wise with the time we have is so important for us.
So we have put away phones at certain times, we have talked more and been together more as a family ( because our kids don't believe in naps) In the evenings i have tried to relax a little more...the dishes, the work i need to do the laundry, the house needing picked up, sometimes it can be put on hold for 30 min while I watch boy meets world and relax.
It is such a struggle to get caught up in everything...but just taking it one day at a time.  I'm trying hard to just breath and drink more water. Goals right!?
So am I broken..a little bit but the Lord is strengthening me more each day and I am learning to trust in him with all of my overwhelming things in life.
You might feel broken just today, or for a few weeks or maybe you have felt broken for awhile and don't know what to do.
we have to push ourselves, keep going...God is so much bigger than the rollercoaster ride we might feel like we are on he will strengthen you and me and make us feel complete.  This might take awhile but piece by piece he will connect us and put us back together if we will keep going and keep trusting.
My life lately though its been overwhelming to me it's an overwhelmingly great life. :)
Need proof of how great it is!?
Your life is great to..think about what you have even when things are really hard.

This is me trying to work i walk away to get Kate and Copelan  gets up on the computer desk and gets to my stuff 

The best

We all wait for the best time to do things, the perfect moment..we will say it’s not the right time yet. We search for the perfect mate, the perfect pair of shoes, we try to find that perfect recipe for dinner that everyone will love. We wait to hear the words this is the best...This has been perfect..
What does it mean to have the best!? For you to have “your perfect” ?
What makes your life yours is what makes it the best! I’m learning every day even when I say “this day has been the worst “ that my life is not like yours, the friends I see on social media, or the picture I have in my head of what it should be like or what I should be like, or who I should be more like.
I’ve made mistakes ( and I still make plenty) but that has gotten me where I am. Every day is another new adventure that shows me my life is the best..it’s my perfect!
It’s my perfect because it’s mine and you have yours whatever that may be. Yesterday the kids played together a lot and I got lots of exercise and baking done and even made dinner, today my 7 months old ( who is struggling with sleeping at nights ) took a 3-hour nap on me so I got nothing done. Some days I am not positive at all I’m emotional and all things are going wrong and life doesn’t feel
Like it’s the best on those days but I really want to remember that “those days” are what make the best days so perfect.
My life a new adventure every day ( and not always fun) is my perfect. It’s the best!
We should stop waiting and searching for the best and the perfect..take your life and make it your perfect! Make it the best!!

What I chose

Both the kids are finally in bed and the house is quiet except for the sound of the washer and dryer. Today I chose to play with my kids instead of doing housework. Copelan has decided that stop napping for now so I haven't been getting the time to do things like I normally would. Today I decided to play with him and have fun instead of doing a 30 minute workout. I did a 10 minute workout instead. Today I decided to take a 3 minute shower instead of a 10 minute shower to actually wash my hair..( at least I showered) today I decided to take in the time I got with my kids and really cherish it. Sometimes (most of the time) I get so caught up in trying to get things done that I get frustrated becaus I can't get it done because someone needs my attention. Today I chose to give them the attention. I mean let's face it I will have all day tomorrow and the next day to do the laundry and the dishes.
 Being a stay at home mom ( who also kinda works) isn't easy but as hard as it is I find joy in watching my kids grow and being able to teach them things. Copelan just turned 2 and I feel like is learning and doing so many new things. I want to enjoy where he is I don't want to miss it.
 So I could wake up tomorrow and I have to tell myself all of this because the kids are screaming and things need done...and I may start to get stressed but I will remind myself that everything else can wait. I will take a deep breath, turn the music on ( or Clifford so i get 10 minutes of quiet) but I will learn and will keep learning that motherhood isn't about being perfect and having everything figured out. It is simply being here in the moment and learning everyday to breath and take life one day at a time.
A few of my favorite things right now: bed time stories, drawing together, the way Copelan yells mama when he doesn't see me in sight and he actually does this for the rest of the family in the house to including the dog and the way he says "love you"

When the day ends

All day I have been debating on whether or not to write a post about life lately...I was going to just journal but really felt like I should write here about it. So here goes and if you need to know I am a mom with a 2 year old and almost 6 month old, my husband works 2nd shift and I am a stay at home mom but also work as the children's director and leader at church. A little background on me so please read with and open mind and no judging! I am going to be completely open and honest because I feel like we are not honest enough and it makes women feel alone and like we are the only ones going through what we are going through. I need you to know that I am not writing this so you can feel sorry for me..I am writing so I get it off my chest and others know they are not alone.
I had a good day today and in fact it's been a pretty good week, I've gotten back into my exercise routine and I've been spending time in the word but something happened as I was getting ready to leave for a church function tonight. We were playing volleyball so I thought I will wear leggings and a cute shirt well after a little bit I was uncomfortable and didn't feel good about myself in it so I changed again, leggings and a tshirt, ( baby is screaming downstairs) I settle and about 20 min later I opt for a pair of jeans and a comfy t shirt. So What I couldn't figure out what to wear..Big deal right!?well you see if i could wear sweatpants and still look cute and feel good about myself I so would..I have a postpartum body that is hard to deal with.  I'm not tall I'm on the shorter side so it doesn't look like i lost all the baby weight right away..i feel pudgy and gross basically in anything I wear. ( told you I was going to be honest)
So I go tonight and compare myself to the other women there and wonder why I can't eat or drink whatever I want and not gain weight, I wonder how hard I need to exercise to feel good about myself again, what foods do I need to cut out, and I wish I could just find clothes that made me feel good about myself. I then move past that issue and then guilt trip myself...I miss my husband so much and sleep and just being able to relax and I won't get any of those maybe till at least Sunday. I absolutely love my kids and being their mom literally it's the best thing in the world but I need a breather. How is it that I can start my day studying the word and be filled up but by the end of the night I have absolutely nothing left. ZERO
It is a part of motherhood and you are not alone...we are all in different places in life and that is why it is so important to not compare ourselves to others. Everyday is new and everyday is a balancing act I am sure you understand and if you don't please don't judge. I don't have a revelation to share with you or something super spiritual to encourage you with but I do want you to know that you can do it! I can do it..I will find rest I will wake up and hopefully be able to start in the word i will keep pressing on and keep pushing forward. I will mess up and try again, I will find a balance and lose it. I will not shower tomorrow until the evening most likey but we are moms and God has put you where you are for  a reason.  I will remember that so you should to. you are not alone..I'm with you momma and God is too!

we've all been there

I've been thinking a lot the past few days about life..it gets tough and sometimes actually most of time I feel like I'm going crazy and that I'm completely alone. I'm not alone..meditating on God's word and making time to spend with him really helps me realize that.
I also know though that mom's everywhere are and have gone through these same exact things. That also puts things into perspective..lately I feel extremely unbalanced and like I'm losing my mind..anyone else feel like that!?  I feel like a mess most all of the time..someday's I hide it well but other days I might as well wear a shirt that says I'm a mess! haha..
We've all been there..I say that because i know others have felt the way i feel and have gotten through it and also because you are going through things that seem impossible but you will get through it.
I'm talking from a mom perspective so if your baby is up all night and you are soooo tired I've been there..your toddler throwing tantrums and you are losing it I've been there...you have no time for anything I've been there..
I've been where you are dear friend and maybe you have been where I am to..overwhelmed, tired, unhealthy,and trying to find balance. This post is to encourage you ( and me) to say we can do it!  I'm learning to breath ( literally I get so busy before I even sit down and take a deep breath) This morning I was up at 8 and made breakfast, got kids fed, got work done, laundry done and before I knew it 2 hours had passed and I hadn't sat down to drink my coffee or eat breakfast..to say I need to chill is an understatement.  I finally told myself today to get with it..
I had gotten a routine down a few weeks ago i was exercising and spending time in the word and bible study daily ( taking time to invest in myself) well life happened and I stopped bad decision..
Moms take time to invest in yourself! Do what you need to do that refreshes you so you can be the mom and the wife that God has created you to be. Being a mom and wife is a gift and I've been so exhausted from not taking care of myself that I forgot about that.
We can't give out if we have nothing to give..fill yourself up with the word of God first and foremost then take a shower HAHA no seriously take a shower..If you are a mom of young kids you know what I'm talking about..We've all been there!
Anyway..

Psalm 61King James Version (KJV) 61 Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer. 2 From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

This is the verse I am meditating and praying on this week..some versions say when my heart is faint and the word faint means weak or unclear. So this week I'm praying that I will be lead by God when i feel weak and completely overwhelmed and that I will turn to the Lord instead of wanting to lay on the couch and not face anything. I need to cry out to God with my fears, concerns and my uncertainty  I'm not a failure and you are not either  but I'm a little bit of a mess which is why I need Jesus ( and coffee) but mostly Jesus! 

Don't get caught up

Life it's complicated and hard but here is what I'm learning Don't get caught up in it. Here is what I mean by that..Life changes and sometimes you really feel those changes and with those changes come emotions that are hard to process sometimes. Don't get caught up in all these life changes don't dwell on things and let them determine your day, your week or your life. Take a little bit to process figure out how to deal and then let it go..Don't get caught up!
As women I especially feel like we let ourselves get caught up in things way to much...I find myself getting caught up in trying to lose weight,eating better, relaxing, having friendships,comparison and several other things.  I've been realizing the last couple of days after having lots of time with my family is that those things are not worth getting caught up in. When you get caught in something you literally can't get out like it's a struggle.  I don't want to be caught in these issues and just struggle with them all of the time, but because we are human and women we will struggle but I want to learn how to not get caught up in these things.
What matters is my family and being a part of all the little moments of my kids life.They both are doing and learning so much each day and I don't want to miss those things because I'm caught up in little issues in life that are distracting me.
So to all you women out there live your life and don't get caught up in all the little things that distract you. You are you! :)

The mundane

Mundane- common,everyday, ordinary

This week I have been living in the mundane mindset. We are getting into a rhythm with Josh being on 2nd shift and still figuring things out. It was pretty hard the first 2 weeks but our mindsets have changed and we are getting into more of a routine. This week though my mindset has not been the best. I literally have woke up every morning thinking ohhh here we go again...Kate stays up late and wakes up really early so my lack of sleep doesn't help my mindset at all. It's really hard for me to be positive and not just feel blah when I'm so tired and exhausted. ( I think we all feel like this at times right?)
This morning though I told myself through the headache and tired eyes "you have to stop this" So my option this morning at 5 am was to grump around with my coffee while turning netflix on and watching some show OR open the bible and get some of God's word in me. I just made that sound easy..I have a lot of Beth Moore's bible study books on my kindle so I started "Breaking free" Which opened up my mind to study the word and be able to pray without just doing it just because and being so tired i didn't know what I was reading. I knew if at 5 am I just opened up  to read somewhere in bible I would just be doing it and I would fall asleep. So opening up this bible study was a good start.
You see God does not call me ( us ) to live a common/ordinary life and I know this so how do i pick myself up out of this rut..!? This question was going through my head the past 2 days ( of course I  knew the answer) I was being lazy honestly..the only thing that can get me out of this mindset is to let God transform my mind and the only way to do that is to be in his word and be with him. That's not easy to do at 5 am.
Life will not and is not easy and having joy does not mean that everything is awesome ( I'm sure you now have that song in your head from the lego movie, you can thank me later) Having joy is finding the peace and good in your life. The peace and goodness that comes from the Lord.
If you have or do feel this way be encouraged to know you are not the only one. when you wake up and say " here we go again"  instead say "Here we go God what do you have for me today" Ask God immediately to help make your day joyful and not ordinary. I'm saying this to myself!!
Mediate today or this week on Romans 12:2
God help us to look to you and your word and not things in this world when we feel ordinary and like we are in this alone. You are with is and you will lead us and guide us but help us to come to you..you can lead us if we don't come to you. thank you Lord for loving us and for the life you have blessed us with - Amen

things look different

Things look different than they did when we only had one kid...getting pregnant with your first obviously changes things in your life in a big way, but having the second has changed things in a completely new way.  I don't get much sleep at all anymore but I'm learning how to be patient in a whole new way.  Taking care of a very well behaved but loud and adventurous toddler and a newborn at the same time while having no sleep is a whole new world.
This morning Kate ( the 3 week old) was up a little before 5 and I can handle that. I figured I will feed her then I will have plenty of time to do my daily devotion and have some quiet time.  That plan didn't work..Copelan ( my 18 month old) woke up at 5:30. He woke up very happy and was really good all morning so at least I knew he slept well.  So far my daily devotion and bible reading was done from my phone while I fed kate and prayer time was on the couch with the t.v. on and a baby on my lap.
I've stopped saying ( for awhile anyway) that things will get done during naptime. Most days if both kids are napping at the same time then I also need to lay down and nap/rest so I am a pleasant person the rest of the day.
Things will keep looking different...this week my husband will be going to 2nd shift. It will be really nice having him here during the day but nights will be different now.  It's one of those things you cant fully prepare for or know how it will go until it happens.  I'm not saying things won't be tough and are not tough already with a new adjustment of having a newborn but God is preparing us and doing something new in us everyday. Life isn't easy and God doesn't call us to live an easy life. With that comes change and "different"
God is with us in the change and when things start to look different and we are not sure where to go or what to do. I think it's important to remember that! My time spent with God is not "quiet" most times anymore. I used to have this perfect time with candles and worship music my journal and bible out..it was my time with God. That is very different.  I had to learn that God is here and still wants me to be with him even if its not quiet. He wants me to come to him when things are loud and hectic and when things are peaceful and quiet. I'm learning so much and I will continue to in these different times. I don't want to write to much but I also want you all to be encouraged and to know that our God is big and his plans for us are big. We have to let him change us and work through us in our difficult times and remember that he is with us in those times and wherever we are.

In this season

Remember this post is being written by a woman who is 7 months pregnant and has a 1 year old. 😊😉  Life has a been a little tough lately..I have started not sleeping well, which leaves me so exhausted and kinda grumpy at times.  My body is uncomfortable and hurts so that's been fun.
Yesterday was one of those days where I was completely overwhelmed by life ( I had one of these days Saturday to) When I am overly tired I can be someone who is overwhelmed and overthinking everything.
So this morning it's 3 am and I am awake every part of my back hurts and I can't do anything to help it so I turn a heating pad on and try to sleep...4 am Josh gets up for work and I try some more..finally I start praying and telling God all my worries and everything I am thinking...try to sleep again...4:45 time to get up!
Honestly as much fun as not sleeping is😏 I have been meditating on a verse and really trying to apply it to my life right now. Proverbs 31:25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
    she can laugh at the days to come. 

The definition of the word strength is mental power, moral power, firmness or courage.  The definition of dignity is self respect or appreciation. I always looked at this verse and picture a woman laughing, not really joyful just laughing at whatever will happen she knows she can take it. This is sort of the case except I don't think she is really laughing out loud..I think she stands up and takes a deep breath and with confidence says God I trust you and I give all these things that are to come over to you. 

I have really been applying this verse because as a mom of a a 1 year old, 7 months pregnant  a wife, and a ministry leader, I find myself lately getting very overwhelmed with what is to come. Did you get that..? I said what is to come not what is here now and happening. Why am I worrying myself with what has not yet happened!? 

God has not called any of us to stress and worry he has called us to confidence and strength and yes life is hard and exhausting but God will lead you through the season you are in now and the seasons to come. It's only 7 am and I have a whole day ahead of me so later when the tiredness comes and i need rest and I get stressed I will stop and give it over to God and let it go...

Where ever you are today and I don't mean at home or work I mean emotionally and spiritually read this verse meditate on it and ask God to help you be clothed in confidence and strength. You can do this! 

We are Alive in him

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QYRYtc4SFkg