All day I have been debating on whether or not to write a post about life lately...I was going to just journal but really felt like I should write here about it. So here goes and if you need to know I am a mom with a 2 year old and almost 6 month old, my husband works 2nd shift and I am a stay at home mom but also work as the children's director and leader at church. A little background on me so please read with and open mind and no judging! I am going to be completely open and honest because I feel like we are not honest enough and it makes women feel alone and like we are the only ones going through what we are going through. I need you to know that I am not writing this so you can feel sorry for me..I am writing so I get it off my chest and others know they are not alone.
I had a good day today and in fact it's been a pretty good week, I've gotten back into my exercise routine and I've been spending time in the word but something happened as I was getting ready to leave for a church function tonight. We were playing volleyball so I thought I will wear leggings and a cute shirt well after a little bit I was uncomfortable and didn't feel good about myself in it so I changed again, leggings and a tshirt, ( baby is screaming downstairs) I settle and about 20 min later I opt for a pair of jeans and a comfy t shirt. So What I couldn't figure out what to wear..Big deal right!?well you see if i could wear sweatpants and still look cute and feel good about myself I so would..I have a postpartum body that is hard to deal with. I'm not tall I'm on the shorter side so it doesn't look like i lost all the baby weight right away..i feel pudgy and gross basically in anything I wear. ( told you I was going to be honest)
So I go tonight and compare myself to the other women there and wonder why I can't eat or drink whatever I want and not gain weight, I wonder how hard I need to exercise to feel good about myself again, what foods do I need to cut out, and I wish I could just find clothes that made me feel good about myself. I then move past that issue and then guilt trip myself...I miss my husband so much and sleep and just being able to relax and I won't get any of those maybe till at least Sunday. I absolutely love my kids and being their mom literally it's the best thing in the world but I need a breather. How is it that I can start my day studying the word and be filled up but by the end of the night I have absolutely nothing left. ZERO
It is a part of motherhood and you are not alone...we are all in different places in life and that is why it is so important to not compare ourselves to others. Everyday is new and everyday is a balancing act I am sure you understand and if you don't please don't judge. I don't have a revelation to share with you or something super spiritual to encourage you with but I do want you to know that you can do it! I can do it..I will find rest I will wake up and hopefully be able to start in the word i will keep pressing on and keep pushing forward. I will mess up and try again, I will find a balance and lose it. I will not shower tomorrow until the evening most likey but we are moms and God has put you where you are for a reason. I will remember that so you should to. you are not alone..I'm with you momma and God is too!
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