Life with 1

Here lately and especially this morning I am cherishing life with Copelan. At 6:30 a,m. on this dark fall morning I have music playing, a candle lit and my cup of coffee.  I know that someday my life will be filled with more than just 1 kid and it will be very rare to get times like these. I get excited about our future and the things that it will bring.
 I've still been having way more good days than bad days and getting a really good nights sleep helps. I'm learning to cope though even when I am tired..Yesterday I was so tired.  Exercise has helped a lot also..I don't feel like my body is changing much but i feel better about myself and have more energy.
  I'm learning to cherish the little moments and remember that Copelan will only be tiny for so long..(which make me sad to think about) When he wakes up at night i love the cuddles and getting to spend time feeding him, seeing him smile when I talk to him when he wakes in the morning, and hearing him make noise on the baby monitor makes my day. He truly is a blessing and getting to be his mother is the best feeling in the world.
  I'm enjoying and cherishing the time I get with him and although we think we are busy I know that is nothing compared to the some day craziness of having a bigger family.  It all used to seem so distant but now it is so real..I finally am starting to feel like a mother.  I am definitely still adjusting but things are much better.  I would tell any first time mom to give it time things are different and that definitely takes some time to grasp. I would not trade this feeling for anything!
When people say things will change, having kids changes you or everything will be different don't let that scare you. Yes those are all true but it's a really good change and it's all for the good. I'm so glad we are parents and that having Copelan has and will continue to change us.  Let parenthood change you and make you a better person. Be ok with change! :)

so much coffee

Today was a rough day..Good news is it's the only bad day I've had this week. That's a huge improvement.  I don't like putting my feelings out there for everyone to know but like I said I want to share my journey to help others.
 The day started out rushed because I was going into work and my mom was babysitting so I was trying to feed Copelan and get him ready and it was later than it was supposed to be. I was emotional because I was tired and for some reason being tired really messes with my emotions. When I got to work i got asked how I was doing and cried...I can't even control the tears sometimes and i wish so bad I could. After a lot of talking to people and having an afternoon to come home and really get in the word and pray and exercise and take a nice shower I started to feel better. Today i hung some verse's up in my bedroom so I can be encouraged with God's truth and see them everyday.
 I felt better as the day went on..I now am about ready to go to bed but wanted some time to wind down first.I'm really trying to practice doing what Psalms 61:2 says...When My heart is faint (overwhelmed) lead me to the rock that is higher than I.  I need to learn this and am trying to give everything over to God.  I know I will still have bad days sometimes but I don't want to breakdown in front of people anymore..All I know is that God is with me and he hears me when I cry out to  him. He hears me not only on my bad days but also on my good days.
 I want to live my life to glorify God and I will use the strange time to lead others to him and show them that no matter how alone I feel or how much I want to cry it's ok because he hears me and is here to comfort me and give me peace.
 It's only been 2 months today.... I will find our new normal and it will feel good and right. Being Copelan's mom is the most rewarding and beautiful thing I have ever experienced.  All of this change I believe is normal and will take time..Someday I will look back on this and be so glad I went through it and will be stronger for it. I am so glad that God knows what he is doing!!!!!! : ) :) I serve a mighty and wonderful God
FYI: I've had soooo much coffee today but I'm still tried and will sleep good tonight.
 Psalm 62:5-8
Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
    my hope comes from him.
6 Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
    he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
7 My salvation and my honor depend on God[c];
    he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
8 Trust in him at all times, you people;
    pour out your hearts to him,
    for God is our refuge.

Psalm63:3-8

3 Because your love is better than life,
    my lips will glorify you.
4 I will praise you as long as I live,
    and in your name I will lift up my hands.
5 I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods;
    with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

6 On my bed I remember you;
    I think of you through the watches of the night.
7 Because you are my help,
    I sing in the shadow of your wings.
8 I cling to you;
    your right hand upholds me.

being a new mom

Yesterday morning I searched the internet on blogs about being a new mom, and I didn't find to many. I found blogs written by moms but as far as experiencing motherhood for the first time I didn't find much. Maybe I didn't search long enough I mean I don't have that much time on my hands..:) That made me think though  I wonder how many other women are going through things for the first time and need to know that they are not alone.  I've decided I want to share my journey and my experience so far. 
 It's been 2 months tomorrow since giving birth and boy has it been a roller coaster.  When we first came home people made food for us for about the first 2 weeks and we always had visitors and people that wanted to help out ( which was awesome) but after about three or four weeks that all settled down. My husband went back to work after a week of being home..BOO! :( Eventually it was just me and Copelan hanging out everyday together. I love him to pieces but I was literally just sitting and binge watching shows on netflix all day...What about work!? My job is slightly different for those of you who don't know me and my husband are the children's directors at our church. I'm on paid staff but he also has a full time job. I do a lot of my work from home ( which has been hard to do now) Last week i actually started going into the office and working again ( that was also hard to do) I literally got a whole 2 things done in the three hours I was there. 
Anyway so the weight of ministry, being a wife a mom and dealing with my new body has been quite overwhelming. I was crying probably everyday from just being so tried and not know how to balance everything.  I went to my 6 week check up 3 weeks ago and my doctor said I had postpartum depression and prescribed me some prozac.  All of that made me feel even more awful...I had a long talk with Josh and was encouraged by ladies at church and said no to the prozac and shut down immediately the thought of being depressed. I said I'm just learning how to balance everything.  
  From that day on there has still been tears but lots of prayer, bible reading and talks with Josh to help me work things out. We stopped eating out and eating junk food my husband cooks most of the meals, and the house stays pretty clean with us working together.  I'm learning to communicate better with him, exercise and have joy in this awesome gift in life that God has given me. I'm obviously still getting adjusted but I'm taking one day at a time and giving everything over to God and letting his strength pull me through. I'm getting a routine down with Copelan and making some time for myself. In doing this I'm making myself be a morning person..When he wakes up at 5 am I fee him and stay up. I've been putting him in his crib while I eat drink coffee, read pray and just have some me time. Other wise i will not get it and feel blah the rest of the day. 
 anyway I want to share my journey and be there for others who may be having a hard time adjusting. I'm still not sure about people i know seeing this..It's hard for me to tell others how i feel so most people have no clue I've been having a rough time. I feel like not enough women talk about there time after baby that they go through.  It's such a  joy being with our babies and watching them growing and developing but what happens to us moms doesn't get talked about. 
 My advice to you communicate with your spouse, read and pray stay ground in God's word, be healthy ( exercise eat good) 
On that note..Copelan is awake! :)