almost an hour

Its's been almost an hour since Copelan has been napping and that's pretty much a record. Very rarely does he sleep for more than 30 min during his day time naps. As I gather my thoughts as fast as I can and type them out faster than normal I contemplate on what this day has already brought and it's only 9:26 am.  It's been almost an hour since the pooptastrophe...yes it says poop! EW! I know pooop everywhere..everyone and everything is now clean. Lets just say I think we need to get some heavy duty diapers. There is so much that has to be done but I'm learning to relax. this is a daily process..If I don't tell myself to relax over something big or even little I get worked up and anxious. I'm not sure why anxiousness and anxiety have decided to enter my life. Since motherhood these 2 things have entered my life and it's taking prayer, and a lot of talking things out to help these leave. 
I feel like I'm moving so slow in life.  What do I mean by this!? Ministry, my spiritual life, my emotions, housework and just being me..it all is a daily process to not get stressed about any of these things and how slow all these things are now. Literally I can't plan things out anymore..When things are planned and they go wrong I get all worked up and lose it. I hate it when I let that happens so again getting things done is something I can't really plan out I just have to do it.
I'm fully relying on God and trusting in him and yes this is hard to do..I can't add my time with God to my to do list but that tends to happen.  Trying to fit praying in to my day is something I'm trying to do while cleaning, and feeding Copelan. It shouldn't be something that is stressed about and planned out.
Evantually things will work out and I will be able to get up before he wakes up in the mornings and start my day off having time with the Lord, but for now I will not stress but will go to God and spend time with him daily in any way that I can. Not as a plan and because I have to or should but because I want to and I so need him to help me and strengthen me. I want to know him more, I want to know my creator more and as much as there is to do it all can wait for just a few minutes. 
part of learning to relax is giving everything over to God and letting him give me rest. So this my friends is not a goal, not a resolution and not a plan this is me saying I'm learning and trying and I need God's help.  You may be reading think I am crazy or you may be right where I am or have been here before and I know this is a season and it's a season for you too. every season brings new surprises obstacles and things to learn so right now these are my obstacles and I am learning through it. In almost an hour..so much will happen
In almost an hour when life is overwhelming I will remember that God is good and he is here with me.

Psalm 91

¹ Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
    will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.^[a]
2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
    my God, in whom I trust.”

³ Surely he will save you
    from the fowler’s snare
    and from the deadly pestilence.
⁴ He will cover you with his feathers,
    and under his wings you will find refuge;
    his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
⁵ You will not fear the terror of night,
    nor the arrow that flies by day,
⁶ nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
    nor the plague that destroys at midday.
⁷ A thousand may fall at your side,
    ten thousand at your right hand,
    but it will not come near you.
⁸ You will only observe with your eyes
    and see the punishment of the wicked.

⁹ If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,”
    and you make the Most High your dwelling,
¹⁰ no harm will overtake you,
    no disaster will come near your tent.
¹¹ For he will command his angels concerning you
    to guard you in all your ways;
¹² they will lift you up in their hands,
    so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
¹³ You will tread on the lion and the cobra;
    you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

¹⁴ “Because he^[b] loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him;
    I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
¹⁵ He will call on me, and I will answer him;
    I will be with him in trouble,
    I will deliver him and honor him.
¹⁶ With long life I will satisfy him
    and show him my salvation.”

supermom..?

As I blog a few times through the week my post are just as much for me as they are for all of you. I said a couple of months ago that I wanted to share my journey of motherhood with others. I want my journey to encourage and help others. We see others and compare and think that is what motherhood will be like but when it really happens to us we find out its something completely different , and something we never would have imagined. It's the most wonderful yet tiring thing ever to experience. I started reading a book last night that a lady from our church let me borrow and it is amazing so far and would recommend it to any mother. It's like I wrote those words on the pages because it is exactly how I feel and what I have been going through.
The book is called Tender mercies for a mother's soul by Angela Thomas Guffey. There is a line from the book that I love she says The calling of motherhood is not be supermom but to be a woman of God to your children. This line is how I need to look at things.  I can't be supermom but I can trust and follow God to lead me and show my children that. Everyday is something new now and last week was an emotional rollercoaster but this is a new week. I choose to try harder this week not to be supermom but to let the Lord guide me and lead me and give me rest.
Last night we put Copelan down for a nap around 6 and then we both layed on the couch and took a power nap and that allowed us to be rested up fro the rest of the evening. There was still feedings and playtime before Copelan's actual bed time. There will always be laundry and dishes but sometimes we just need a power nap to fuel us up for the rest of the day or night. This Journey of motherhood in only 4 months and grown me and stretched me and showed me who I am. I am changing for the better..you are supposed to let motherhood change you.  Let yourself become stronger, more patient, more loving, caring, grow in your faith, balance things, forgive easier and do a lot with a little time. These are just a few of the ways motherhood has changed me in these 4 short but long months. Let motherhood change you to be a better person.
http://www.mommysmetime.com/when-motherhood-changes-you-and-why-it-might-not-be-so-terrible/
This a blog that I love reading by a Christian mom.  Very encouraging and great to read as a mom this particular post is about letting mother change you and how it's a good thing. I read this when I was pregnant and have gone back to read it several times since. :) Give it a read!

christian rap and coffee

Isnt this kid cute!? Oh how I love him!

I write again as a physically and mentally exhausted mother of a 4 month year old.  Learning how to balance everything has still not gotten much easier..trying to be a stay at home mom and a working from home mom in ministry..kinda tricky!
I'm trying to exercise, rest and eat somewhat healthy ( could definitely do better) I'm also trying to spend time in the word, but between feeding Copelan, his short naps and the attention he needs its becoming very hard not to feel so exhausted and like I literally could lay down and sleep for a day. I'm sure this is my life for awhile..tiredness..I can handle it! Friday Josh is leaving me the car which will be great but then I think where the heck am I going to go..!? Just getting out of the house will be nice so maybe just a trip to walmart wish it was not winter so we could walk.
Oh so my post title why is it so weird..?? Because I literally am listening to Andy mineo, KB, Lecrae and any other Christian rap artist to keep my energy up. So here I am drinking coffee with my robe on listening to rap music and hoping for at least a good 15 min to get some work done.
Here's to rap music and coffee! :)

 

the exhausted woman

Today is Monday...Not only is it Monday but the first day back to work from Holiday break.  Obvioulsy I did not get up this morning and drive to work, but I did get up this morning and got back to normal life while my husband went back to work.  He was home from work for the holidays for 2 weeks so you can only imagine how great it was having him around.  We took turns every other night getting up with Copelan so that was a huge help. Today it's back to mommy and Copelan so I remind myself of one thing..just relax.
If only it was that easy right..!? I'm not talking about sitting on the couch reading with tea or watching a show ( although the first option sounds rather relaxing) I'm talking about slowing down and not worrying and trying to do everything.  Today I have had to push myself to not lay on the couch all day because I am exhausted and I've had to push myself not to rely on coffee all day..I won't allow it!
Relaxing also means not focusing and worrying about how much my back hurts and how tired I am.  If I focus on those then I feel miserable. Relaxing means doing what you can as far as housework goes. I got dishes done and dinner in the crockpot and that is good.  Relaxing means letting Jesus fill my heart with peace and taking comfort in him and his word.  I literally had the excuse pop in my head earlier that I'm to exhausted to spend time with Jesus..What an excuse!!! Laying down or drinking more coffee will only make me grumpy because I still will not feel rested. Taking time to spend with our Lord and Savior needs to be a priority.
All of us women no matter what we do in our daily lives through out the week  are all exhausted no matter what our circumstances and we need to relax and let the Lord rejuvenate us and give us the strength we need to keep going.  If you only have a few minutes of quiet today just read a verse and pray that verse over your life and for those around you.  We put to much pressure on ourselves as women to do to much on every area of our life. Just spend time with Jesus it could be for 10 min 30 minutes or an hour..Just give God your exhaustion and let him fill you up.
Here is a start: Matthew 11:28 Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.

It's a new year

My oh my how time flies...I can't believe it is 2016 already! 2015 was a short year it now feels like..
If there was 2 words I could use to describe 2015 they would be new and exciting.  Last year was a year full of newness and excitement..this time last year we had just revealed to close family and friends that we were expecting.  After trying, praying waiting and trusting in God for 2 years we finally became pregnant.  We literally started the new year off last year by sharing the excitement with the people closest to us.  From there we tried to prepare as much as we could to become parents and welcome our little guy into the world.  He came in the fall and from there we have laughed, cried, had sleepless nights, been worried, scared and so incredibly joyful. I know there are more of all these emotions to come...
2016 is here and we are ready for change and growth. I know this year we will experience so many firsts.  I cherish each moment I have with my family and each moment I am with my son.  Getting up in the mornings ( so early) is no longer dreadful.  Getting out of my comfy warm bed when I am so tired is so worth it when I walk in Copelan's room and he is smiling at me as soon as he hears my voice.  Motherhood has changed me in so many amazing and incredible ways..I'm excited for what this year has. 
It's a new year and I choose to try my best to be healthier, to go deeper in my walk with the Lord, to take one day at a time and cherish every moment that life has for me. Life is overwhelming and tough at times but I choose to take one day at a time and smile big....
It's a new year what do you choose...!?