When life changes

 I've been debating on whether or not to blog about life lately but I decided to go ahead and just go for it..someday someone might need to read this.
We will go back to about 2 years ago when I had some major health issues start that was making life difficult and we felt like we were not able to move forward and progress in life because of my health so after much discussion and prayer, we decided that a hysterectomy was the best decision. This was not easy by any means at all , but we didn't see any way around it. So last November I had a hysterectomy which means I can no longer conceive and I am going through menopause as a 31-year-old.  This was our decision and no person or doctor pushed us into it..I know it is not what doctors would recommend as a treatment for endometriosis which is what I struggled with but it was growing and putting our life on halt it felt like so anyway since then things really haven't been too bad. ( or so I thought )  I went off of the hormone treatment from the doctors because my body wasn't handling it and decided to try out all-natural solutions.  So that is what I've been doing I'm taking several supplements to balance my hormones and also for my pain  (fibro and arthritis )
I am sharing this all and hope to continue because there is no easy solution or quick fix.. I've been doing research and menopause is not common for 31-year-olds so it's hard to find someone/something to relate to. I have an almost 5-year-old son and a 3-year-old daughter so I am definitely not done with needing energy and my days do not allow for alone/quiet/peaceful times.
I get up at 6 am to have my " alone time" which is spending time with the Lord and just having time to myself. The hard thing about this now is that I'm completely exhausted and wake up feeling stressed/overwhelmed/sad for no reason. So today I had to decide to just breathe and take this one day at a time..I know God has more for me and my husband in ministry and in raising our family which is our main ministry.
I know God doesn't call us to live an easy life and going through the hard things grow us and mature us in our faith, so I will constantly ask Lord what are you teaching me as I am learning to have joy when I feel none and have peace when I feel none. Let me please remind you these are all normal menopause symptoms just going through them in this season of life for me is particularly tough. I don't type all of this with tears in my eyes for pity but to share my journey and I hope someone out there reads this one day and will know that they are not alone.
I don't laugh as much and I don't feel like I enjoy my kids at this age they are in as much as I want to...I'm irritated and tired...The lies in my head would tell me that I regret the decisions that were made and keep saying " if only"  " What if " " if only"  " You should have tried other things"
These are lies because we knew the Lord led us to make that decision and now we are navigating through this season and learning how to live a life God has called us to live.
It's a battle in my head constantly but The Lord is greater than my thoughts/emotions and I will trust in Him to be my refuge and strength. The Lord is good and these are the things I preach to myself all day...
Thank you for listening to my rant and I hope this helps someone.

Take in the quiet

So I’ve been finding myself going through these wave of emotions as I’m sure a lot of you are as well. I’ve been reading and praying but the last few days I’ve really been struggling just trusting in the Lord and trying to keep pressing on everyday. All of our lives have changed lately..we’ve all had to make big changes and it doesn’t something to you when everything around you changes and you have to try and adjust. We all deal with change differently. I know that God never changes and I’m so very thankful that he is always the same and that he is so good!! I know that to be true. I’m not struggling with God and his goodness it’s just in general to keep that in mind and be joyful right now in this time of isolation from family and church family. I was reminded to that we are not isolated from God..he is with us! I decided today when I had about 20 minutes to myself to do some writing.  I used to write a lot when I was in high school to help me process things/situations and just to express what I was feeling. I haven’t done that in a long time..so I decided I needed to give it a try today and it helped. So I would like to share something I wrote and hopefully it encourages someone as I know we are all on this together.
Take in the quiet 
People are saying enjoy the stillness
Take in the quiet 
I feel anything but still 
It’s really not quiet
My mind is restless
My body aches
I’m irritated with life
I want to move
I want to laugh
I want to be excited
Enjoy the stillness
Take in the quiet
Where do you get still? 
How do you find quiet?
Everyone is restless
Everyone aches
Life is irritating 
Let me move
Let me laugh
Let me be excited
Enjoy the stillness
Take in the quiet
I will search for stillness
I will seek to be quiet
I will move
I will laugh
I will be excited
Enjoy the still
Take in the quiet
I can be still
I can move 
I can laugh 
I can be excited
Lord help me to be still, help me find you in the quietness
Even if all is loud
Lord help Move
Lord help me laugh
Lord help me be excited 
Enjoy the still
Enjoy the quiet

Being creative

I have been enjoying time at home with my kids not having/needing to go anywhere. I’ve been making a schedule each night for the next day of crafts and activities we can do and it has helped a lot. The kids have been having fun as well.
Yesterday we read about Daniel (I’ve been reading from my old adventures in Odyssey bible) and then we made a lions den ( basically a pillow and blanket fort) then we made lion masks. We worked on our alphabet by passing a ball back and forth and saying a letter each time we pass.
This morning during breakfast we read about Jospeh and then we made robes like Joseph and then had a lot of craft time :) the kids had a blast today and their creativity has really sparked in the past week of just being home together.
At Noon today their was global prayer for the virus and for people around the world who have been impacted so after lunch the kids painted and me and Josh prayed in the living room. In that 15 minutes span Copelan decided to paint Kate 😂 luckily the paint was washable!
Now as we rest they are upstairs playing doctor with all their stuffed animals. I love hearing them play and laugh together. It’s not always like this..their is fighting, and getting on each other’s nerves so it’s really nice to hear them have fun together.
Families take this time to enjoy each other and be creative with your time.
Here are some fun pictures.

the days are long

When the kids don't nap and its winter and everyone is up before 8 am the days seem so long. Some long days seem really good most though seem like we are just trying to get through. I write this post mostly because I don't want to forget these days...I just read through some of the old posts ( which I love doing) and I'm glad i wrote on the hard days because some days I still feel like I did when they were just babies ( crazy)
Today kids did lots of crafts and of course made a mess while I got my lesson for Sunday finished which of course took way longer than it would if I was sitting by myself haha but then we played some games and then read books and then i made lunch and extra meat for the week.
My kids don't nap normally ( its always really great when they do) but we have "rest time" which really means they have to stay upstairs so I can have 15 min of quiet.
I love hearing them play together anud talk together..wish I could just record it and never forget their little conversations.
Copelan just found valentines day cards and said that was so much fun last year, and Kate wants to give one to C.J.
I love that they are creative and fun and have their own thoughts and I hope they keep continuing in that.