When life changes

 I've been debating on whether or not to blog about life lately but I decided to go ahead and just go for it..someday someone might need to read this.
We will go back to about 2 years ago when I had some major health issues start that was making life difficult and we felt like we were not able to move forward and progress in life because of my health so after much discussion and prayer, we decided that a hysterectomy was the best decision. This was not easy by any means at all , but we didn't see any way around it. So last November I had a hysterectomy which means I can no longer conceive and I am going through menopause as a 31-year-old.  This was our decision and no person or doctor pushed us into it..I know it is not what doctors would recommend as a treatment for endometriosis which is what I struggled with but it was growing and putting our life on halt it felt like so anyway since then things really haven't been too bad. ( or so I thought )  I went off of the hormone treatment from the doctors because my body wasn't handling it and decided to try out all-natural solutions.  So that is what I've been doing I'm taking several supplements to balance my hormones and also for my pain  (fibro and arthritis )
I am sharing this all and hope to continue because there is no easy solution or quick fix.. I've been doing research and menopause is not common for 31-year-olds so it's hard to find someone/something to relate to. I have an almost 5-year-old son and a 3-year-old daughter so I am definitely not done with needing energy and my days do not allow for alone/quiet/peaceful times.
I get up at 6 am to have my " alone time" which is spending time with the Lord and just having time to myself. The hard thing about this now is that I'm completely exhausted and wake up feeling stressed/overwhelmed/sad for no reason. So today I had to decide to just breathe and take this one day at a time..I know God has more for me and my husband in ministry and in raising our family which is our main ministry.
I know God doesn't call us to live an easy life and going through the hard things grow us and mature us in our faith, so I will constantly ask Lord what are you teaching me as I am learning to have joy when I feel none and have peace when I feel none. Let me please remind you these are all normal menopause symptoms just going through them in this season of life for me is particularly tough. I don't type all of this with tears in my eyes for pity but to share my journey and I hope someone out there reads this one day and will know that they are not alone.
I don't laugh as much and I don't feel like I enjoy my kids at this age they are in as much as I want to...I'm irritated and tired...The lies in my head would tell me that I regret the decisions that were made and keep saying " if only"  " What if " " if only"  " You should have tried other things"
These are lies because we knew the Lord led us to make that decision and now we are navigating through this season and learning how to live a life God has called us to live.
It's a battle in my head constantly but The Lord is greater than my thoughts/emotions and I will trust in Him to be my refuge and strength. The Lord is good and these are the things I preach to myself all day...
Thank you for listening to my rant and I hope this helps someone.

Take in the quiet

So I’ve been finding myself going through these wave of emotions as I’m sure a lot of you are as well. I’ve been reading and praying but the last few days I’ve really been struggling just trusting in the Lord and trying to keep pressing on everyday. All of our lives have changed lately..we’ve all had to make big changes and it doesn’t something to you when everything around you changes and you have to try and adjust. We all deal with change differently. I know that God never changes and I’m so very thankful that he is always the same and that he is so good!! I know that to be true. I’m not struggling with God and his goodness it’s just in general to keep that in mind and be joyful right now in this time of isolation from family and church family. I was reminded to that we are not isolated from God..he is with us! I decided today when I had about 20 minutes to myself to do some writing.  I used to write a lot when I was in high school to help me process things/situations and just to express what I was feeling. I haven’t done that in a long time..so I decided I needed to give it a try today and it helped. So I would like to share something I wrote and hopefully it encourages someone as I know we are all on this together.
Take in the quiet 
People are saying enjoy the stillness
Take in the quiet 
I feel anything but still 
It’s really not quiet
My mind is restless
My body aches
I’m irritated with life
I want to move
I want to laugh
I want to be excited
Enjoy the stillness
Take in the quiet
Where do you get still? 
How do you find quiet?
Everyone is restless
Everyone aches
Life is irritating 
Let me move
Let me laugh
Let me be excited
Enjoy the stillness
Take in the quiet
I will search for stillness
I will seek to be quiet
I will move
I will laugh
I will be excited
Enjoy the still
Take in the quiet
I can be still
I can move 
I can laugh 
I can be excited
Lord help me to be still, help me find you in the quietness
Even if all is loud
Lord help Move
Lord help me laugh
Lord help me be excited 
Enjoy the still
Enjoy the quiet

Being creative

I have been enjoying time at home with my kids not having/needing to go anywhere. I’ve been making a schedule each night for the next day of crafts and activities we can do and it has helped a lot. The kids have been having fun as well.
Yesterday we read about Daniel (I’ve been reading from my old adventures in Odyssey bible) and then we made a lions den ( basically a pillow and blanket fort) then we made lion masks. We worked on our alphabet by passing a ball back and forth and saying a letter each time we pass.
This morning during breakfast we read about Jospeh and then we made robes like Joseph and then had a lot of craft time :) the kids had a blast today and their creativity has really sparked in the past week of just being home together.
At Noon today their was global prayer for the virus and for people around the world who have been impacted so after lunch the kids painted and me and Josh prayed in the living room. In that 15 minutes span Copelan decided to paint Kate 😂 luckily the paint was washable!
Now as we rest they are upstairs playing doctor with all their stuffed animals. I love hearing them play and laugh together. It’s not always like this..their is fighting, and getting on each other’s nerves so it’s really nice to hear them have fun together.
Families take this time to enjoy each other and be creative with your time.
Here are some fun pictures.

the days are long

When the kids don't nap and its winter and everyone is up before 8 am the days seem so long. Some long days seem really good most though seem like we are just trying to get through. I write this post mostly because I don't want to forget these days...I just read through some of the old posts ( which I love doing) and I'm glad i wrote on the hard days because some days I still feel like I did when they were just babies ( crazy)
Today kids did lots of crafts and of course made a mess while I got my lesson for Sunday finished which of course took way longer than it would if I was sitting by myself haha but then we played some games and then read books and then i made lunch and extra meat for the week.
My kids don't nap normally ( its always really great when they do) but we have "rest time" which really means they have to stay upstairs so I can have 15 min of quiet.
I love hearing them play together anud talk together..wish I could just record it and never forget their little conversations.
Copelan just found valentines day cards and said that was so much fun last year, and Kate wants to give one to C.J.
I love that they are creative and fun and have their own thoughts and I hope they keep continuing in that.

two right shoes

First of all I will start off by saying that this is not a post about me whining or complaining this is simply real life and I felt like I wanted to share today.  Most of my days feel a little frazzled no matter how I plan or how hard I try to plan something comes up or changes or the kids are just wild..LOL
I would love to say that what I'm about to post are rare occasions but it's normal life for me. 
Almost everyday of the week we have an appointment and on Thursdays we have homeschool Co op so we stay very busy and when we go out of town I try to pack lunches and make a day of it. Today the kids were fighting so much so I knew packing lunches would be chaotic so I opted for stopping at Kroger for lunchables instead. So we get the car cart and the kids are sitting close together so of course we are only getting goldfish and lunchables but when the kids are yelling and fighting you can't seem to get out of there fast enough...So as I'm trying to look at something for me that I end up just putting back because someone took someone else's goldfish..so i grab the goldfish and throw them in the cart and said please stop we are leaving now.  It wasn't quite a yell but my voice was a little raised and I look up and this lady is just glaring at me with judgy eyes (it seemed) So we go to checkout and I'm not mad or angry at my kids and they are laughing but I'm still getting this look..so I just brush it off or try to...so ya caught me at a bad time and my kids on a wild day...so what!?
It's alright so we make our way to Findlay and it's raining of course so we can't have our picnic lunch it's ok so I tell the kids they can eat lunchables in the car then we will just go to the library when we get back in town. That worked! well we get to the chiropractor and he goes to adjust Copelan and he has 2 of the same shoes but different sizes and both are for the right feet...made him put his own shoes on today and looked how that turned out...HAHA yeah I was a little embarrassed but I just laughed it off.
I got my coffee kids fought most of the way home and i just turned my music up and we got to library and all was well until I hit my ankle on a book shelf when I sat down to help Copelan on the computer so I'm now sitting here with a bag of frozen strawberries on my ankle hoping the swelling goes down and that it goes away.......When you chronic pain you have a high pain tolerance but when you get one little bruise or hit something your body reacts differently than someone who doesn't have chronic pain/autoimmune disorders.  so one little bump has caused my foot to swell and my right leg to be in pain.  But it really is ok...my kids are thankfully napping for this first time in 2 weeks haha so hopefully my foot will recover.
We all have these days whether we are moms or not..we wear 2 right shoes, wear our shirts inside out, forget lunch,realize there is nothing to eat for dinner in your house, the laundry is piled up, you leave and realize there is a stain on your clothes or you just woke up late and didn't get your coffee.  We all have these days and sometimes we can shrug it off and go on and other times we show a little bit of our frazzled mess when we are out in the stores or wherever...Don't jusdge others just smile at them, and when you are the one having that day just take a breath and say it's ok. 
The great thing is God sees this crazy frazzled mess and he loves it..so I come to him and ask him to help me to have patience and as i replay the scenes of today in my head I know tomorrow will be a new day and a new start

Apples & crafts

Well I’m so happy fall is continuing to arrive..I love the fall weather. I’m loving the fun and adventures we are having everyday. The fun thing at this age with the kids is that sometimes no matter how well you schedule or plan out it doesn’t always go that way..so everyday is something new and different.
Monday we went to an Apple orchard and it was super fun. It was really hot out..but the kids had a blast plus we came home with a ton of apples for eating and apple activities this week. We leaned the letter A and did apple stamping and apple bobbing with tongs and the kids especially copelan loved both of those activities.
Copelan is loving to do crafts lately which makes me happy. He knows right where the supplies is and gets what he needs out and makes lots of “projects”.  I have a Pinterest board called adventures in babysitting because I used to babysit and I loved doing fun and new things with them everyday but now I get to do all that fun stuff with my little ones. Don’t get me wrong it’s a lot of work especially with the age they are at..we have to keep going from one activity to he next one. But it’s definitely fun and worth it. I love seeing what they learn and how different they are.
They are loving the homeschool co op that we are involved in on Thursdays. They loving having school and being with friends, and I get to teach the preschool class and it’s a blast.
Ready to see some pictures from our adventures!?

Beautiful fall days

The transition from summer to fall came surprisingly fast I have to say, but I absolutely love fall and this year taking it all in with my two littles has so far been adventurous and enjoyable. I’m excited for what is to come in this new season of fall and of homeschooling. I’m learning so much everyday about myself, the Lord, my kids and our family.  Some days feel pretty tough I will admit but I also know that it really is just a season and I’m enjoying the ups and even the downs.
We’ve had s really fun week so far and I just wanted to share some of our fun :)
Yesterday we painted not on paper like we normally would but on the sidewalk on they painted all over themselves. Tots finger paint was awesome for this.
Today we went on a nature scavenger hunt and the kids had a blast.
And the best way to end an evening in my world is outside reading a book while the kids are happy ❤️

feeling accomplished

Monday has become stay at home/cleaning day for us. What that means is  I do laundry while the kids play or fight..( they play pretty well together most of the time)There is nothing like feeling accomplished am I right? Well I don't feel that yet it normally takes Monday plus 2 or 3 days to have all the laundry folded plus put away. If I can get a couple days of the kids napping..which i desperately need them to do most days. P.S If you've started reading thinking this is going to be serious..it's not..😂😜
Today's nap time I was looking forward to drinking coffee and reading some of my book...and then taking a break to put clothes in the dryer and load the dishwasher.
 Today was super hot out but we played outside for awhile and the kids were having so much fun playing together that made me almost let them skip naps today...but i always regret it when 4 pm hits and they are crying and having meltdowns AHHH!  so when I said 5 more minutes they said ok...but then what happened was not ok...they both would not come out of the garage so i had to physically pick them up and bring them in the house while they are both screaming at the top of their lungs..Sorry neighbors. When i get kate calm shes ready for her nap and nice and quiet...Copelan on the other hand took a little longer to become quiet and ready to nap...lets just say their was more screaming and stomping of the feet ( this was not from me ) So after 2 books and answering about 20 random questions all is quiet in the house.  All I hear is the dryer and the fan...so I now feel accomplished HAHA! 😄😂
So for all you moms out there who are just not feeling accomplished today...if you got one thing done/crossed off that to do list WAY TO GO!  The kids are happy, the kids are not fighting, the house is quiet, you showered today...
It can be anything...feel good about yourself today! What we accomplish is going to be different then what others accomplish on a Monday...and today both kids are napping and the house is quiet for a little bit at least.

#momlife
#itsthelittlethings

think on these

When I first started this blog I was newly married and enjoying life as a wife and being in ministry. Life was still crazy but i was trying recipes and just having fun..then after having my first baby Copelan I thought I will blog about my postpartum journey because it was tough.  I was going through so many changes and didn't quite know or understand how to process it all.  As I got through that I then my second baby Kate and so then I was writing about my journey as a mother with 2 littles and being involved in ministry.  I don't get to post as much as I would like to because I love writing and being able to out my thoughts into words and also helping others, so I'm always writing with the mindset of hopefully I can encourage someone else today.  I never write for pity or anything else it simply to let others know they are not alone in whatever they are going through.
 With all of that We have been going through something new and difficult lately.  I've had back pain for several years and I've learned how to manage it but in the last year I've had several other health issues pop up..Pain basically everywhere, nausea and stomach pain and random swelling.  I've been to so many doctors and had so many test done and we are still on the road to figuring out what is going on. I'm trying to stay positive and trust in the Lord and most days it is very hard to do. As  moms we already feel guilty about multiple things but this is taking it to a whole new level.they hear a lot " I have to rest "and I feel bad for not being able to do as much with them as I want , so  I have to constantly be reminded that God is faithful and he does have a plan. We have good kids and I know we do our best and  someday they will understand even if they don't know.
To this day I still love the name of my blog Crazy beautiful life because life is always going to be crazy but its also beautiful because we always have a reason to be thankful and to praise God for.
 Philippians 4:8 8Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.
- I am constantly making myself stop and saying am I thinking on true things and lovely things? i have to take a step back and think on this scripture so I can think on how good God is. He is good even if where we are in life doesn't feel good.

My greatest adventure

The definition of the word adventure is a very exciting or unusual experience.
Did I travel somewhere?
Did I do something risky and crazy?
Did I try something new?
Not necessarily...you see my greatest adventure is my life..I'm living my adventure and it's pretty exciting. It's exciting because I never know what to expect. One day I wake up and have alone time with coffee and awesome bible study and the next day my kids wake up at 5 am. I've traveled to the park a lot lately and the weather has been fantastic. Going to the park with 2 toddlers can be risky..just last week copelan was climbing a rock wall at the park and fell from the top so that was scary. He didn't get hurt,,,, Shew! Most of the time I feel like a crazy person..haha I constantly have like 50 things on my mind
When I became a wife almost 8 years ago it was new and all the things we went through as a couple was all very new and then having our first kid was new and exciting and then a short time later having our second kid was also new and exciting.
This sounds pretty fun huh!? adventure and the word exciting sounds fun but it's not always icecream and laughs it's sometimes tears and " Lord give me strength today"
I like to call this an adventure because it's absolutely what it is to me..it might not always be fun but there is always something to learn and there is always a fresh new day where we can start over and try again.
We all have our own adventure..it's just how you look at it. Life is stressful and confusing but it's also joyful and exciting. I learn something new every day about me, about our family, our kids and most of all I'm learning more every day how to lean on God and ask him for wisdom. Because life is stressful and confusing I look to God, I seek his kingdom first and trust in him and from that comes joy and the excitement in life. I know God's got my back no matter how bad the day is or the week.
So stop thinking so negative...Your life may be really hard right now but how can you learn from this situation and what is God doing through this?
Remember Colossians 3:2 Set your eyes on things above and not on earthly things
and Philippians 4:8  Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Let Let your new adventure begin today by letting God take your cares and worries trust in him and have joy in life knowing no matter what God is in control. 

The theme verse

So in Kids 4 Christ we have a theme verse for our children's ministry each month. We teach the kids this verse on Sunday's and Wednesdays and with the lesson we teach we will incorporate this verse. We want the kids to not only know the verse but understand what it means and how to apply it to their everyday life.  This verse is not just for the kids it's for the leaders to which is why I am writing this post tonight.
The theme verse for June is James 1:19 My Beloved brothers know this Be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger.  
- Tonight I am putting the kids to bed and I get Kate in her bed and then tell Copelan ( 2 and a half years old) to go sit on the potty. As he's on the potty i wait in his room and then i hear the plunger..so I go in and of course he says more pee so he gets back on the potty and I go back in his room to do what..look at my phone..then a few seconds later I hear the plunger again...this time i sit my phone down and I yell at him. We get into his room and he will not get his pants back on and is screaming, so i pull him off his bed and lay him on the floor and get his pants on him as he's screaming in my face. I honestly had to shut his door and take a break. When I went back in a minute later he was crying so hard and it made me feel awful...he's only 2 as hard as it may be I have to give him grace.  I so need to practice this verse...slow to speak and slow to anger. I don't want to just yell at him and get so angry..seriously..this verse hit me hard tonight as I layed with him and prayed with him and tucked him tonight.
This is exactly what I taught the girls tonight..think before we speak so that way we have time to process and pray and not get angry and do something we regret. I will remember this verse and put it into practice in my daily life.  I want to give my kids grace and be patient with them.
Lord help me to be slow to anger and slow to speak. Help me Lord to have patience towards my kids.
My actions really got to me tonight..so I am going to make a change. I'm going to slow down and yes that's easy to say right now when the house is quiet and I've had time to chill.  But for real I'm slowing down and not just enjoying being their mom but I'm going to slow down before i react to them and the things they do.  They are just kids and just learning the least I can do is help them learn and be patient with them.   I felt like I had really failed him in that moment but I know we will wake up and he will be excited to see me when he wakes up :) I love waking up in the morning to my kids no mater how tired I am.

embrace it and love it

Well I'm tired and I was hoping to be in bed by now but here I am writing a post. The house is finally quiet and I can finally hear my own thoughts. So here latley I have been going through a thing, and I can't even tell you what thing it is because I honestly don't know. Us women are emotional beings and sometimes we just don't know what's going on with us..right!?
So I've found that I've been a little off balance latley...emotional and physically.  Honeslty It's been awhile since I've felt this "crazy" When I say crazy I mean moody, anxious, overwhelmed, and exhausted.  So obviously I don't like being this way..who does!?  So I've been doing a few different things to help a little bit. As a mom of 2 little kids( a 2 year old and 15 month old) I can tend to get very exhausted and overwhelmed just by being busy all day and hearing screaming or yelling from the kids and not having a breather..I'm sure this is normal when you are with your kids all day. I don't want to "wish away" these years by being stressed and tired I so want to enjoy these kids and what they are learning. It definetley is a struggle most days to stay in the here and now and not get caught up in wanting bed time to come.
So how do you do this...here are some ideas:
try to get up earlier than everyone else in the morning ( this is hard for me and doesn't always happen)
stay up after the kids and destress ( reading, take a shower, blog, listen to podcast) 
Go outside during the day ( get the kids and just go outside for a few minutes and get some fresh air)
when the kids are playing its ok to go to the bathroom and shut the door or go in your bedroom for 10 minutes when you know the kids are doing good and just lay down and regroup for a few.
These things have helped me to be able to regroup and just breath. It takes time to figure out what is for you..I try to get up in the mornings before the kids if I can. This is hard for me but when I do I love it. Just enjoying the peace of the morning with my hot coffee and bible.  This helps me to prepare a little bi for the day. One thing that I just started about a week ago and I've really enjoyed is listening to a podcast at night.  Yes I'm tired so it's weird that I can listen to something but it really does benefit me. This is way better than staying up late to binge watch a show because I feel like it recharges me a little bit because I'm also being productive.  I will listen to a podcast while preparing lessons, making schedules, planning, blogging, or just doing research for certain things.  The podcast I listen to are by christian women who are moms and it has been so helpful to me.  I don't feel like I have a lot of community..I don't have a lot of " mom friends"  I don't get out much unless it's to the grocery store or to church. So these podcasts have been really good for me and I would definetley recommend if you feel lonely as a mom or going through a tough time in general o find some good christian podcasts to listen to.
And last but not least it is ok to shut the door sometimes...when you need a breather and the kids are playing nice or watching a show just do it. Go to your room where it's quiet and shut the door for 5-10 minutes and just breath. I don't do this everyday but somedays when it's really tough I have to have a few minutes to myself.
Being a mom is tough and at the end of the day it's nice to be able to de stress before bed.  I've found that it helps me to relax before bed.  With that said Being a mom is also amazing which is why I want to try and stay in the here and now and enjoy my kids and this time with them.  After laying in Copelan's bed with him until he falls asleep I can't move my neck without it being in pain..but I honeslty don't think about that. If it wouldn't hurt me so much I could just stay with him all night because I know one day he will be to old and to big for me to cuddle with and read bedtime stories to. The mom life is the good life because as crazy and hard as it is none of the hard stuff matters..in the moment it does..I know! But later when you have time to think you remember tommorow is a new day and probably new messes to clean up..LOL but it's a new day which means you can make new memories and just start new.
Sorry this is so long...:/
Just do what you need to do momma to love the momlife. I'm trying hard everyday to love it and embrace it..even when it's the hardest of days.
#momlife #loveit #embraceit

Podcast to check out:
Coffee+ Crumbs podcast*
Risen motherhood *
God centered mom 
The purpose show 

A rotten kiwi

So I will have you all know before you read this that I’m really just posting because it’s been quite an eventful day 😂 also for all of you to know you are not alone when you have a rough day.  We all have those days...so here is mine. So today the kids decided not to nap ( we have at least a few days like this out of the week) so at about 3:30 I decided we need coffee to let’s go to Kroger. So we go to Kroger and mosey through the aisles and get coffee, desert thins, and bananas because those are important things..right!? So we leave and the sun is shining and it’s rather warm out so I decide it’s only 4:00 so let's go to the park. We had fun got some energy out and head home for dinner before church. We get home and neither of the kids eats their dinner so I get them down to play so I can eat my dinner...then the meltdowns begin. I eat my salad while Kate cries for a good 30 min and then copelan randomly starts just because he can. After meltdown time is over we get changed for church so In the process of getting changed parts of the house get messy...for example a tower of Tupperware in the middle of the floor, toys, and laundry baskets not in their proper place. Not to mention the mess of food from the dinner they barley ate still on the table. Oh well we can clean the mess later as we get ready to leave and I get my lesson in my bag to teach the girls I smell a very sour smell but I don’t see anything in my bag but I still smell it so I start taking stuff out my bag and keep digging ( yes there was that much stuff) finally I find a smashed rotted kiwi...so I dump everything out and spray the bag and soak it. Anyway, we come home from church and the house is still such a mess and smells like a sour rotten kiwi now.
But it’s 10:00 pm both kids are in bed and finally asleep and I will eat a snack and watch a show and then I will pick everything up because sometimes you just need to chill and sometimes things can wait.
Obviously, it will all get cleaned up but In about 30 minutes...so the lesson is don’t sweat the small stuff, chug a lukewarm cup of coffee before church if you need to, and last if you take kiwi ( or any fruit)  in your bag for a snack don’t forget it’s there.

When your plans fail

I always have ideas going through my head daily for a blog posts but never get around to writing it. Well tonight I finally sit down and get to...We had a few days of beautiful spring weather last week and we stayed outside the whole day. Parks, chalk, meals on the porch you name it we loved being outside. Well today it’s freezing and rainy/snowy so it was time to be creative. What can we do inside that’s a little different than what we normally do. I decided to try one of the fun things I’ve pinned on Pinterest. So me and Copelan made play-doh. It was an easy recipe ( dish soap and cornstarch) but as it starting getting all over the floor Kate ( our 1-year-old) starts putting it in her mouth and had no intention of stopping so I realize this was not a great idea. Plus copelan was done playing with it in less than 10 minutes. So I had to then get the vacuum out and Kate is terrified of it so that was fun. After I had gotten this mess cleaned up everyone was happy so I was getting dinner ready when copelan had a 30minute meltdown because his milk wasn’t in the right cup...
After dinner and another meltdown both kids are happy and playing so was it a little bit of a different night..yes haha but not in the way I had expected or planned it to be.
I struggle sometimes when I see what people will post on social media...I will think wow they always are having fun or doing something different and exciting.  But I have to tell myself that I’m sure their kids had a meltdown or threw a tantrum or was fighting with each other before or after this picture of fun smiling faces was taken. Things are not always what they seem...I might snap
a picture at the perfect moment and 5 seconds later there is a huge mess or someone is screaming haha...
We compare ourselves and our lives enough as it is without social
Media but add that in there and we are always wondering what we are doing right or what should we be doing differently. I’m very guilty of this but just know things are not always what they seem. Things don’t always go the way we plan but that’s the life We don’t want to show the messy and imperfect of our lives but we all have it..it’s there! So be encouraged friends to love your life fun beautiful messy chaotic all of it. It’s yours...

The unexpected journey

I had this post written but erased it...I desperately want to be the person who writes a profound blog about life and the adventures it brings and I want to give this great advice that helps others.  I realized after I had this post written and I had to step away that I'm just me. I'm probably like more of you than you realize, or than I realize for that matter.
I have a toddler who is becoming rather hard and frustrating to potty train, who thinks its fun to pee on the floor and stomp in it. I have a 10 month old who is into everything and clingy when I need to get stuff done, and my floors need swept, the dishes are piled up and there is still a basket of laundry that needs folded and put away ( they are very wrinkly at this point) Oh and my coffee is cold
I'm trying to have more joy and get more sleep and drink more water..good goals right!?
My journey is different than yours but we are all on some kind of journey and it's called a journey because its a long trip. This is not a quick fun trip this is a unexpected journey and we need help. A tour guide if you must...Here is what everyday ( for the last 9 months) is teaching me. 
1. keep trying
2. Tomorrow is a new day
3.just breath
I'm not going to be perfect...I'm exercising, drinking water and spending time with the Lord and digging into his word but I'm still being transformed daily ummm hourly.  I'm putting into practice the verse's I read and applying them and trying so hard to let God change me and use me. It's a journey because like I said earlier it's taking awhile but I have hope that when the season is over when this journey ends and the next one begins I will be stronger and more patient perhaps. We don't get to our destination over night..
please don't think this is a long complaint about my life because it's not...this is simply a honest little blurb ( maybe to help you know you are not alone)

My life is amazing ( not perfect) but it's pretty great!

broken

It has taken me all week to finally sit down and write this post.  This week (starting Sunday) I have been on an emotional rollercoaster. It all started Sunday when it was supposed to be family  time for us to relax and somehow the day didn't go as I had planned out in my head so it threw us all off.  After Sunday we had to together and separate figure out what to differently.  In a marriage it takes two to change not just one person so starting Monday I had a car ride to myself and had lots of time to think and pray alone ( which is very rare)
I said to my husband on Monday that I felt broken...later in the week I looked up the definition of that word. broken - to not function properly, incomplette, disconnected, weak in strength and spirit. I felt all of these things but i had to somehow get unbroken...I cried out to the Lord several times this week because he is the only one who can complete me and where I feel weak he is strong. I realized this week that sometimes the struggle is real, and sometimes we feel so empty and broken ( yes even us christians) Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding and he will direct your path
I need to trust in the Lord to strengthen me and to help me feel connected..somedays I don't know how so i just cry out to him and ask for his help.
I struggle with feeling completely overwhelmed and then I get sad and have no joy..that's not good! This week it has been worse than it has been in awhile. It has taken effort together but we came to the conclusion together that we have to intentional about our time. Being wise with the time we have is so important for us.
So we have put away phones at certain times, we have talked more and been together more as a family ( because our kids don't believe in naps) In the evenings i have tried to relax a little more...the dishes, the work i need to do the laundry, the house needing picked up, sometimes it can be put on hold for 30 min while I watch boy meets world and relax.
It is such a struggle to get caught up in everything...but just taking it one day at a time.  I'm trying hard to just breath and drink more water. Goals right!?
So am I broken..a little bit but the Lord is strengthening me more each day and I am learning to trust in him with all of my overwhelming things in life.
You might feel broken just today, or for a few weeks or maybe you have felt broken for awhile and don't know what to do.
we have to push ourselves, keep going...God is so much bigger than the rollercoaster ride we might feel like we are on he will strengthen you and me and make us feel complete.  This might take awhile but piece by piece he will connect us and put us back together if we will keep going and keep trusting.
My life lately though its been overwhelming to me it's an overwhelmingly great life. :)
Need proof of how great it is!?
Your life is great to..think about what you have even when things are really hard.

This is me trying to work i walk away to get Kate and Copelan  gets up on the computer desk and gets to my stuff 

The best

We all wait for the best time to do things, the perfect moment..we will say it’s not the right time yet. We search for the perfect mate, the perfect pair of shoes, we try to find that perfect recipe for dinner that everyone will love. We wait to hear the words this is the best...This has been perfect..
What does it mean to have the best!? For you to have “your perfect” ?
What makes your life yours is what makes it the best! I’m learning every day even when I say “this day has been the worst “ that my life is not like yours, the friends I see on social media, or the picture I have in my head of what it should be like or what I should be like, or who I should be more like.
I’ve made mistakes ( and I still make plenty) but that has gotten me where I am. Every day is another new adventure that shows me my life is the best..it’s my perfect!
It’s my perfect because it’s mine and you have yours whatever that may be. Yesterday the kids played together a lot and I got lots of exercise and baking done and even made dinner, today my 7 months old ( who is struggling with sleeping at nights ) took a 3-hour nap on me so I got nothing done. Some days I am not positive at all I’m emotional and all things are going wrong and life doesn’t feel
Like it’s the best on those days but I really want to remember that “those days” are what make the best days so perfect.
My life a new adventure every day ( and not always fun) is my perfect. It’s the best!
We should stop waiting and searching for the best and the perfect..take your life and make it your perfect! Make it the best!!

What I chose

Both the kids are finally in bed and the house is quiet except for the sound of the washer and dryer. Today I chose to play with my kids instead of doing housework. Copelan has decided that stop napping for now so I haven't been getting the time to do things like I normally would. Today I decided to play with him and have fun instead of doing a 30 minute workout. I did a 10 minute workout instead. Today I decided to take a 3 minute shower instead of a 10 minute shower to actually wash my hair..( at least I showered) today I decided to take in the time I got with my kids and really cherish it. Sometimes (most of the time) I get so caught up in trying to get things done that I get frustrated becaus I can't get it done because someone needs my attention. Today I chose to give them the attention. I mean let's face it I will have all day tomorrow and the next day to do the laundry and the dishes.
 Being a stay at home mom ( who also kinda works) isn't easy but as hard as it is I find joy in watching my kids grow and being able to teach them things. Copelan just turned 2 and I feel like is learning and doing so many new things. I want to enjoy where he is I don't want to miss it.
 So I could wake up tomorrow and I have to tell myself all of this because the kids are screaming and things need done...and I may start to get stressed but I will remind myself that everything else can wait. I will take a deep breath, turn the music on ( or Clifford so i get 10 minutes of quiet) but I will learn and will keep learning that motherhood isn't about being perfect and having everything figured out. It is simply being here in the moment and learning everyday to breath and take life one day at a time.
A few of my favorite things right now: bed time stories, drawing together, the way Copelan yells mama when he doesn't see me in sight and he actually does this for the rest of the family in the house to including the dog and the way he says "love you"

When the day ends

All day I have been debating on whether or not to write a post about life lately...I was going to just journal but really felt like I should write here about it. So here goes and if you need to know I am a mom with a 2 year old and almost 6 month old, my husband works 2nd shift and I am a stay at home mom but also work as the children's director and leader at church. A little background on me so please read with and open mind and no judging! I am going to be completely open and honest because I feel like we are not honest enough and it makes women feel alone and like we are the only ones going through what we are going through. I need you to know that I am not writing this so you can feel sorry for me..I am writing so I get it off my chest and others know they are not alone.
I had a good day today and in fact it's been a pretty good week, I've gotten back into my exercise routine and I've been spending time in the word but something happened as I was getting ready to leave for a church function tonight. We were playing volleyball so I thought I will wear leggings and a cute shirt well after a little bit I was uncomfortable and didn't feel good about myself in it so I changed again, leggings and a tshirt, ( baby is screaming downstairs) I settle and about 20 min later I opt for a pair of jeans and a comfy t shirt. So What I couldn't figure out what to wear..Big deal right!?well you see if i could wear sweatpants and still look cute and feel good about myself I so would..I have a postpartum body that is hard to deal with.  I'm not tall I'm on the shorter side so it doesn't look like i lost all the baby weight right away..i feel pudgy and gross basically in anything I wear. ( told you I was going to be honest)
So I go tonight and compare myself to the other women there and wonder why I can't eat or drink whatever I want and not gain weight, I wonder how hard I need to exercise to feel good about myself again, what foods do I need to cut out, and I wish I could just find clothes that made me feel good about myself. I then move past that issue and then guilt trip myself...I miss my husband so much and sleep and just being able to relax and I won't get any of those maybe till at least Sunday. I absolutely love my kids and being their mom literally it's the best thing in the world but I need a breather. How is it that I can start my day studying the word and be filled up but by the end of the night I have absolutely nothing left. ZERO
It is a part of motherhood and you are not alone...we are all in different places in life and that is why it is so important to not compare ourselves to others. Everyday is new and everyday is a balancing act I am sure you understand and if you don't please don't judge. I don't have a revelation to share with you or something super spiritual to encourage you with but I do want you to know that you can do it! I can do it..I will find rest I will wake up and hopefully be able to start in the word i will keep pressing on and keep pushing forward. I will mess up and try again, I will find a balance and lose it. I will not shower tomorrow until the evening most likey but we are moms and God has put you where you are for  a reason.  I will remember that so you should to. you are not alone..I'm with you momma and God is too!

we've all been there

I've been thinking a lot the past few days about life..it gets tough and sometimes actually most of time I feel like I'm going crazy and that I'm completely alone. I'm not alone..meditating on God's word and making time to spend with him really helps me realize that.
I also know though that mom's everywhere are and have gone through these same exact things. That also puts things into perspective..lately I feel extremely unbalanced and like I'm losing my mind..anyone else feel like that!?  I feel like a mess most all of the time..someday's I hide it well but other days I might as well wear a shirt that says I'm a mess! haha..
We've all been there..I say that because i know others have felt the way i feel and have gotten through it and also because you are going through things that seem impossible but you will get through it.
I'm talking from a mom perspective so if your baby is up all night and you are soooo tired I've been there..your toddler throwing tantrums and you are losing it I've been there...you have no time for anything I've been there..
I've been where you are dear friend and maybe you have been where I am to..overwhelmed, tired, unhealthy,and trying to find balance. This post is to encourage you ( and me) to say we can do it!  I'm learning to breath ( literally I get so busy before I even sit down and take a deep breath) This morning I was up at 8 and made breakfast, got kids fed, got work done, laundry done and before I knew it 2 hours had passed and I hadn't sat down to drink my coffee or eat breakfast..to say I need to chill is an understatement.  I finally told myself today to get with it..
I had gotten a routine down a few weeks ago i was exercising and spending time in the word and bible study daily ( taking time to invest in myself) well life happened and I stopped bad decision..
Moms take time to invest in yourself! Do what you need to do that refreshes you so you can be the mom and the wife that God has created you to be. Being a mom and wife is a gift and I've been so exhausted from not taking care of myself that I forgot about that.
We can't give out if we have nothing to give..fill yourself up with the word of God first and foremost then take a shower HAHA no seriously take a shower..If you are a mom of young kids you know what I'm talking about..We've all been there!
Anyway..

Psalm 61King James Version (KJV) 61 Hear my cry, O God; attend unto my prayer. 2 From the end of the earth will I cry unto thee, when my heart is overwhelmed: lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

This is the verse I am meditating and praying on this week..some versions say when my heart is faint and the word faint means weak or unclear. So this week I'm praying that I will be lead by God when i feel weak and completely overwhelmed and that I will turn to the Lord instead of wanting to lay on the couch and not face anything. I need to cry out to God with my fears, concerns and my uncertainty  I'm not a failure and you are not either  but I'm a little bit of a mess which is why I need Jesus ( and coffee) but mostly Jesus!